Fall to Pieces
by AndiTanaka
Summary: When Mamoru leaves for America, he abandons Usagi at first. How does she react and deal? This is a songfic depicting Usagi and Mamoru's feelings. Almost definite sequel to follow. ONESHOTCOMPLETE. EDITED
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Darn it, I still don't have enough cash! Therefore, Sailor Moon is still not mine. Maybe someone will get it for me for Christmas, eh? (Seriously though… credit to Naoko Takeuchi and her genius for creating SM, and to Velvet Revolver for coming up with the phenomenal song _Fall to Pieces_, which helped with this fic. You guys are rocking geniuses!)

Fall to Pieces

_It's been a long year_

_Since you've been gone_

_I've been alone here_

_I've grown old_

_I fall to pieces, I'm falling_

_Fell to pieces, and I'm still falling_

-(USAGI'S POV)-

I walked slowly down the street, shoulders slumped and my feet dragging heavily. I felt weary and broken. It was apparent to others as well, that my spark had died. I was a vacant shell, merely existing.

"Hey Odango… Want to go to the Crown for a milkshake?" I lifted my head to the calling of Seiya, one of the Starlights. The other Senshi stood in back of him, waiting for my response.

"No thanks, Seiya. I'm going home to study and rest," I stated simply, and then turned promptly on my heel.

"I knew she'd say that," Seiya murmured to no one in particular. I knew the others agreed, while silently worrying about me. Though I was sure that they weren't surprised by my response. I had gradually become more and more withdrawn and sullen in the time since Mamoru had left. I was now unrecognizable, a mere shadow of my former self.

-FLASHBACK-

"I'm leaving Usagi… Harvard Medical School has accepted me into their program," Mamoru said, as he handed me the paper to read.

"I know Mamo-chan. I always knew you'd get in," I replied, overflowing with pride. Mamoru's visible flinch at the familiar nickname went unnoticed at the moment, as I reveled in his happiness. He was finally making his dreams come true.

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"Usagi… let go… I'm not waiting for you, and I'm not coming back. What can't you understand about that?" Mamoru said coldly, his words dripping with venom.

"I don't understand Mamo-chan. What have I done? What happened to us?" I cried, desperately clinging to his arm.

"Everything Usagi, everything… I'm going to a prestigious medical school in America, and I can't have you holding me back," Mamoru cruelly replied. He then shoved me away and attempted to turn around. Before he did, however, I managed to hurl a stinging slap across his face, and ripped off the heart-shaped pendant he'd given me. I viciously threw that, along with our beautiful star locket, to the ground. The locket cracked down its middle.

"You cruel, unfeeling Baka! If that's how you want things to be, then I spit on everything we've shared," I stated, in an icily calm and measured voice. I made sure to draw out every word carefully, before finally whipping around and fleeing his presence.

-END FLASHBACK-

I sighed heavily as this memory assaulted me, as it did ever day since the love of my life, Chiba Mamoru, had abandoned me. Nothing had been the same since then.

-(MAMORU'S POV)-

I sat on the plane, glancing out the window tiredly. I was on a direct flight to Tokyo, a place I'd vowed never to return to. I could hardly believe it had been a little over a year since I'd left, without a backward glance. Harvard Med had been wonderful while I was there, but Tokyo had called out to me… Suddenly, I felt a wave of pain stab my heart. It was her…my Usako…the girl I'd so foolishly abandoned; my one and only love. Since I'd left, these pains had become a frequent occurrence that I'd grown used to. I could feel her misery…

_Every time, I'm falling down_

_All alone I fall to pieces_

-(USAGI'S POV)-

Rain and snow pelted the window, as I sat alone in the locked bathroom. Not that there was a real need for me to lock the door; the house was vacant, after all. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, wielding a gleaming dagger in my right hand. Steeling myself, I slowly began to trace long, red lines down my left arm. The pain seeped through me, like an intoxicating drug. I was drunk on its heedy effects.

-(MAMORU'S POV)-

I headed through the Juuban district, slowly making my way to my old apartment. It was amazing how everything was the same, yet everything was different. A dusky gloom of sorts hung in the air, as if the city knew the pain and sorrow of its main protector. On a momentary impulse, I whirled around in the opposite direction that I'd been heading. I had to see her…my Usako. Suddenly, pain seared through my arms, and I quickened my step. Something was not right.

_I keep a journal of memories_

_I'm feeling lonely_

_I can't breathe_

_I fall to pieces, I'm falling_

_Fell to pieces, I'm still falling_

-(USAGI'S POV)-

After the first round of gouging I set the dagger down for a moment, and let my blood slip slowly down my arms, relishing the feel of the life seeping out of my body. Then, I picked up my diary and began to read; memories assaulted me as I did.

-FLASHBACK-

"Oh Naru, I can't believe I have to show my mom this test. She's going to blow a gasket," I wailed, gazing despairingly at the thirty marked in bright red on the otherwise pristine white paper.

"Aw, don't worry so much Usa! Hey, lets go shopping, and take your mind off the stupid test," Naru drawled excitedly.

"You're right, Naru," I declared, while bunching up the test into a crumpled ball. I then tossed it, and began to walk away. Suddenly, I heard a surprised shout, and turned to see a gorgeous guy unrolling my test. He sweat-dropped.

"A thirty, admirable… Are you stupid, or just incredibly lazy?" he scoffed, while staring at me. I huffed in anger, and tore the paper out of his hand.

"Hey, who are you to judge! You don't even know me."

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"Jeez, Odango Atama…you should watch where you're going before you're labeled as a public safety hazard." I maturely stuck my tongue out at him.

"Stop calling me Odango Atama, you Baka!" I shouted.

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"My Usako," Mamoru whispered, as he traced a finger down my cheek. Did Mamoru-baka really just call me his Usako? I glanced up to see if he was joking, and was surprised to meet his love-filled gaze. He then lowered his face, and brushed his lips gingerly against mine. I froze at first, and then melted, as the kiss became desperately hungry and passionate. I'd never been so filled with longing before.

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"I still love you Usako, please forgive me," Mamoru said, and I stopped in his doorway. I turned around.

"What did you just say?" I questioned, refusing to believe what I'd just heard.

"I said that I was sorry. I never meant to break up with you, or hurt you, or any of the things I've done. I was just afraid of these dreams I had whenever I was with you… Dreams of you dying if I stayed with you," he explained tearfully, as he brought me into his arms.

"Oh Mamo-chan," I whispered softly, and then kissed him. The kiss quickly became passionate and desperate, filled with all the angst and longing that had lingered for the length of our separation. Mamoru trailed his hands over my body hungrily and I clutched at his back, afraid to let go…

-END FLASHBACK-

_All the years I've tried_

_With more to go_

_Will the memories die_

_I'm waiting_

_Will I find you_

_Can I find you_

_We're falling_

_I'm falling down_

I sighed heavily as I put my diary down. It was finally time to face my fate. I picked up the dagger, already crusty with now-dried blood. Once again wielding it steadily, I gouged at my wrists with all the force I could muster. I double over in pain, and then just lay there. Blood began to flow freely into puddles on the floor. Soon, it would all be over, the memories would die…

-(MAMORU'S POV)-

I arrived rather quickly at the Tsukino residence. I noticed the family was gone, but I could sense Usagi was in there. As I approached the house, a great sense of foreboding set into my gut. Something had happened; I could feel it.

_Every time, I'm falling down_

_All alone I fall to pieces_

-(USAGI'S POV)-

I could feel myself fading, and took comfort in the black swirling around my head. I reached my soul up, trying to attain it more quickly.

_Every time, I'm falling down_

_All alone I fall to pieces_

-(MAMORU'S POV)-

I wrenched the front door open, and raced into the house. Whirling around, I couldn't see Usagi. Then, over the balcony, I noticed the closed bathroom door, and raced upstairs. I found the door was locked, and immediately began crashing my full weight into it. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it flew open in a whirl of splintered wood.

_Every time, I'm falling down_

_All alone I fall to pieces_

I saw Usagi lying on the floor in a pool of blood, still weakly clutching the dagger in her right hand. My heart clenched and I shuddered violently. What the hell had I done? Lord, I was a fool. Thinking quickly, I grabbed my green jacket from off my trembling frame. I frantically ripped it apart, and then bandaged Usagi's wrists as best and as tightly as I could. I then picked her up gingerly, determined to get her to the hospital as fast as possible. The frantic race against time had already begun.

_Ever time, I'm falling down_

_All alone I fall to pieces_

"Oh Usako, I love you… Please, don't die…"

Author's Note: Well, what do you think? Good, not good? Yeah, I know, it's my second fic already. But this one kind of just came to me in a fit of creativity. I wrote the entire thing down while I was at work. Anyway, providing I get enough reviews, and enough people like it, I will write a sequel that will be an actual story, instead of just a one shot. So, once again people: READ AND REVIEW, PRETTY PLEASE!


	2. Author's Note

Author's note: Wow! So many reviews already… --wipes a tear-- Thank you to aqua-rhapsody, SwimBunny123, ilovechadpennington, princess jupiter, blade, TropicalRemix, Night Slayer, Katie and Neo Diji for your awesome reviews. I promise that I will write up the sequel, and who knows? Maybe I'll even write the first chapter today, and have it posted up by tonight.

To Katie… I'm sorry I haven't responded to your review yet, but I will. Thank you for your review; it was very heartfelt and touching.

Neo Diji… Thank you so much for your encouraging comments. I will definitely be writing more now that I've posted up my first couple of fanfics. If you want to read something else while your waiting, I have 2 chapters of my other fic "Future Love" posted up. The chapters are really short, because I'm still figuring the plot out. And I have a feeling that that one is going to take me the most time to continue updating and finish, but its still a fic. (It's a Chibi-usa and Helios story, if you like those. I figure that there aren't enough of them around, so I started one).

Night Slayer… It is very dark, angsty, suicidal, depressing, etc. But consider this… a lot of fics out there (and not that this is a bad thing…) are whole lot of fluff, or happy endings, etc. And even the ones that aren't don't really have that extra element to make the reader feel its real. But that is what fanfic is, in general. Sailor Moon happens to be one of my fave animes and fictional tv shows, and I wanted to take that, and use it in conjunction with a situation that sadly happens a lot these days. Not all my fics will be this angsty and depressing though, by any means. (and yes, that was quite an interesting pun…)

Tropical Remix… Well, I have decided to write the sequel, so you'll be able to find out what happens with Mamoru and Usagi. I should be posting the first chapter as soon as it is written, which should be within the next day, maybe 2. So look for a fic entitled "Shattered, Then Glued".

Blade… I do have plans for Usagi, and you'll see what they are.

Princess Jupiter… in this fic, Mamoru breaks up with Usagi because he feels (at the time) that she was holding him back. Then, of course, the baka realizes that it was an awful mistake.

Ilovechadpennington… thank you so much for your review… that is one of the highest compliments you can give an author. It makes me feel that I was actual able to convey something with my writing.

SwissBunny123… ah, but that was not the ending, my dear… it was a pause. The ending will come when the entire story has been told ;)

Aqua-rhapsody… why thank you! And I will be writing the sequel --points up to an earlier message—look for that title.

Anyway… Once again, thanks for all the awesome reviews! And always remember: KEEP REVIEWING! Lol…


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